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The Island of healing

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  • The Island of healing

    السلام عليكم

    شو الأخبار؟

    هذي القصة القصيرة ألفتها لما كنت صف 11
    أمس كنت أقلب أوراقي القديمة وحصلتها وجبتها لكم
    لما قريتها ألحين حسيت إن وايد ممكن اعدل فيها
    بس قررت أخليها مثل ما هي



    The island of healing

    In a beautiful island in the Pacific Ocean a young doctor
    called Jim Jakson lived.
    Jim liked fishing very much. He had a big boat for that purpose.
    One day he decided to go in a voyage alone across the Pacific
    Ocean. After two days of sailing, a strong storm came and the
    waves rolled over Jim's boat. Jim was lucky to wear his safety
    jacket. The waves left him on the beach of an unknown island. The
    people who lived on that island were very traditional. They didn't
    know anything about the civilized and modern world. These people
    found Jim on the beach. He was tired and hot with fever. They took
    good care of him. They gave him a medicine made out of some
    grass and leaves that they took from the island. After two days Jim
    was better like never been before.

    Jim asked the local people to teach him how to make this medicine
    and what plants they used to make it. Jim also asked their help to
    write a help message (SOS) on the beach using trees branches.

    Before leaving home, Jim had told his wife that he would call her
    every day. For the first two days, Jim had called his wife but after
    that he didn't call for four days. His wife was worried about him so
    she went to the coast guards to tell them about her husband. The
    coast guards started searching for Jim immediately.

    The coast guards used ships and planes for the search. After two
    weeks of searching, a helicopter pilot flew over the unknown island
    and he saw the message that Jim had written on the sand. The pilot
    landed the helicopter to pick up Jim. Before leaving, Jim collected
    some weeds that are used to make the medicine. When he came
    back home, he did some experiments with the medicine. He
    discovered that this medicine has the ability to heal many diseases.
    Jim became very famous and very rich because of his discovery.

    After five years Jim decided to go back to the unknown island. He
    called it "The Island of healing". Jim wanted to make the life of the
    island people much better. He built new houses for them. He also
    built a hospital and a school on the island.

    After about 80 years of this event, the island and its people still
    remember the man who changed their life for the better.
    .|~~|.
    Majestic .. Comming SoOoOoOon
    .|~~|.

  • #2
    hi there brother

    welcome to the english forum
    first of all i've got to say
    this is a really good story
    and mashaa allah
    your english is really really good
    i wonder how i dont see topics from you here

    i only have some simple points to mention
    they are not mistakes
    but just a few suggestions to deliver the meaning in an easier way

    He was tired and hot with fever ( 1 ) . They took
    good care of him. They gave him a medicine( 2) made out of some
    grass and leaves that they took from the island. After two ( 3) days Jim
    was better like never been before.


    as for the first sentence
    n oneed to say hot
    i think its enough to say
    he had a fever
    ^^

    for the second
    the word medicine is okay even without a


    the third
    he got better
    is enough
    or he was as good as he has never been before


    its a very good story
    and the best thing is it is your imagination in every detail

    wish you all the best
    and hope you'll continue writing

    keep it up
    ^^
    " فَـــ امان آللّه يآآ وجهـٍ عرفنـي حزّة آلحاجــــهـ "

    حسابي في تويتر @F_alamry


    =)

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    • #3
      That is really amaizing from a boy in the eleventh grade ..... Thank you and keep it up
      انسان ..

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      • #4
        ..Hi there

        ..Nice effort brother

        ..If you are looking for criticism for your story, I could help
        ..Positive criticism could help you to shape up your ability in writing
        I will be back again to scan through your story and tell you my thoughts
        Peace out
        ...We live as we dream alone

        Joseph Conrad

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