Learning to be a parent, by the book

The shift away from childcare to self-care is the biggest move in parenting in the 21st century If you are a new parent, chances are that you have prepared for this moment enthusiastically and meticulously.

Everything from clothing, car seats and feeding paraphernalia is thought out to the last detail. Unlike earlier, parenthood today is a multimillion dollar industry, propped up by a dizzying array of advertisements, digital applications and of course, books. Through much of the 20th century, focus was on the babies — from the traditional parenting style of John Watson (‘kiss your kid just once a day — to say good night’), to Benjamin Spock’s very popular ‘trust your instinct’ strategies.

By the 1980s, parenting books (actually books on being a mother) became industrialised in North America and Europe, the result of a large number of women taking up full-time work, with very basic childcare options, and, of course, still gendered parenting roles where fathers came into the picture just to cuddle a well-fed baby for the family photo.

This is the time that books like ‘What to expect when you are expecting’ by Heidi Murkoff took off from the book stands. With its focus on the day to day journey of the mother to be, the book had a gritty, hands on approach which was popular with the working woman. By the 2000s, books on parenting changed to reflect a transformed society: a more technological, multicultural, globalised world where would-be parents are experimenting with alternative medicine, natural birthing techniques and holistic care. The books are also competing with digital content and the battle is a tough one. Parenting apps like Fatherly and cloud baby monitor are widely popular in North America while Baby sparks and Baby connect are upcoming parenting applications from South Asia. Sprii and kidszapp are two bilingual (Arabic and English) community apps which bring together parents who share their challenges, give each other parenting tips and even suggest places to visit with kids, like neighbouring parks, kid-friendly restaurants and afterschool activities. But the lasting value of a good book will always remain. The book continues to be cherished, especially when it comes with a scrapbook for a baby’s first hand and footprint, lock of hair, first tooth and other memories.

‘Future books baby records’ and ‘First years’ are common titles for baby scrapbooks, although there are now ways of self-publishing such books digitally. The shift away from childcare to self-care is the biggest move in parenting in the 21st century.

The Gen-Z, soon to be parents, are likely to approach being mothers and fathers in a widely different way from those before them. Holistic care, shared parenthood and emphasis on mental and emotional health are important considerations which are now being addressed by parenting books in all parts of the world.

Titles like ‘Peaceful parent, happy child’ and ‘The happiest baby on the block’ show what is important for parents today — a stress free path to happy parenting.

It’s not only what is being said that is different but also, how.

Memoirs, humorous books on parenting disasters, letters between parents and children, all these are ways in which parenting books stand apart from the traditional, prescriptive books on childcare. ‘Diaper dude’, ‘Weird parenting wins’ and ‘How not to hate your husband after kids’ are titles which show the direction in which parenting books are going. They are edgy, funny, nostalgic, emotional and even downright silly, but they are popular because parenting itself is all that, and more.